Poetry by Victims/Survivors of Impaired Driving Crashes
Many victims/survivors find journaling to be a helpful tool for processing the overwhelming feelings that come with grief and traumatic loss. Out of that process, or sometimes in a completely alternate activity, many find a voice in poetry that best expresses their deepest emotions. This poetry may be very personal – something not meant for anyone else – OR it may be a way of talking about something too difficult to discuss conventionally, where healing can be found in sharing it.
At MADD, our goal is always to provide ways for the victims/survivors of impaired driving and underage drinking to heal, to provide them support through the pain however we can, and to encourage them that life can eventually be good again. With that in mind, we’ve created this space where we can share the poetry of our Tennessee victims/survivors. We hope that it will help them to have a place where their poetry can be shared AND we believe it may help a fellow victim/survivor who reads it to realize that they are not alone in their grief.
If you would like to submit a poem for posting consideration, please send it to [email protected]. Feel free to include the name of your loved one, crash date info, and/or a photo if we do not have one on file.
Poetry Submissions by Victims/Survivors of Impaired Driving Crashes
“Changes”
The day starts like any other day.
We will be changed forever, by one knock at the door.
My youngest daughter tells me the police are here.
My mind is racing and wondering why.
The officer speaks.
My brain cant comprehend their words!
The air leaves my lungs with a horrific scream!
Heart stops!
Legs give out.
I fall to my knees screaming for my baby girl!
A Mother should never have to identify their child’s body!
Friends there with love and support.
Without them I’d be totally lost!
Broken, Bruised and Mutilated they stole her outer beauty away.
Her rosy red cheeks turned to grey.
Arrangements made.
Date is set.
Time has come for Friends and Family to say their last goodbyes.
I watch as everyone leaves one by one.
I feel no comfort or peace inside.
It is now my turn to say my last goodbye.
I can’t make the words come out.
This isn’t real!
It has to be a horrible dream.
My mind is racing what she must have been thinking and feeling.
As I look down at my precious girl,
all I can think is why her instead of me.
I am blinded with this enormous amount of hatred and no will to go on.
Then I remember, I’m not the only one going through this pain and loss.
I try to console my little girl but she is inconsolable.
My mind is racing
I am lost in my head and unable to think.
The Murderer who stole her life away will go on to have another day.
My mini-me is gone forever and I have nothing left.
I am brokenhearted and empty inside.
All I want now is to be with my babies.
Ones in Heaven and my youngest baby is so far far away.
Whatever God has planned, its out of my hands.
I will never understand why this has happened to our family and to all the families past, present and future.
I do know one important fact.
We are all in this club and we are MADD!!!!
Think before you drink!
Vicki Kirk, January 2019
Mother of Angie Michelle Kirk
“Untitled”
I stand at that place and stare at the ground,
I imagine you sleeping,
No movement, no sound.
I look above me, but no longer ask why.
I just close my eyes and try my best not to cry.
I have finally accepted a Mother’s worst fear.
But each step is painful through my first bereaved year.
It’s your name inscribed on the marker I see,
Then tears fill my eyes because it should have been me.
I’ll walk through this life, some sorrow, some joy,
But keeping my head up for my baby boy.
A smile on my face, but broken within,
God give me strength until I see you again.
Mandy Robinson Larson, February 1, 2017
Mother of Nick Willhoit
“You Step”
We step…
And find ourselves new parents of a wonderful baby boy.
You step…
And we called everyone to let them know that our little boy had taken his first steps.
You step…
And suddenly we are taking you to your first day of school.
You step…
And we are watching you start Cub Scouts and how excited you are.
You step…
And we are watching our switch hitter get his trophy from playing baseball.
You step…
And we are watching you get awarded your Arrow of Light.
You step…
And we are watching you suddenly attending high school.
You step…
And we laugh as you say something in Japanese and we say “Huh?”
You step…
And suddenly you were graduating high school early.
You step…
And we watch you begin college.
You step…
And suddenly you are soaring, having earned your rank of Eagle.
You step…
And so soon, we see our boy becoming a man.
You step…
And you’ve graduated college with an IT degree, just like me.
You step…
And we watch you walk on air, sharing love with a beautiful girl named Bri.
You step…
And all too soon, you are Dancing with the Angels.
Jeffrey S. Garner
Father of Jeffrey S. “Scotty” Garner, II
“Grief’s Silent Battle”
As I lay here in the bed
I’m screaming, screaming in my head!
I want you back
Begging God to backtrack
What kind of man would you now be?
If only, if only I could see
What would you look like, long or short hair?
Opening my eyes to find you smiling in your favorite chair
To clearly hear your sweet deep voice
Saying, “Sorry Mom, sorry for my choice!”
Why did I bury you at age 19? Always my baby…
God must want me to share your legacy
Worlds collided that fatal day on Highway 47
But I thank the good Lord, KNOWING you’re in Heaven!
An exhausted calm finally mumbles around in my head
As I lay here, silent tears tumble onto the bed…
I love you, Cole Kilgore
Your Momma – Forever and Always,
Kathy Kilgore Beeler, September 1, 2012
Mother of Cole Kilgore
“Grief”
The waves hit me with great force – I waver and I bend, yet I do not fall. Each wave stings a little more as it slams into me. The fury of the winds cut through me like a knife. Every cell of my body is silently screaming from the pain. It is so loud; and no one can hear it but me. Do not look at the waves, I tell myself; for looking at the storm gives it power, do not give power to the storm; look away, look away. Do not allow the storm to overtake you or you will die. But it is everywhere, it surrounds me, it is all I can see. I struggle to regain my focus – It is a constant battlefield. Finally, I am able to look past the storm and I can see You. I do not fall because I am standing on the Rock; I will not fall because the Rock protects me as the waves and the winds try to destroy me.
Carry me Lord when I cannot carry myself, give me strength when I have none, give me determination when I feel like all hope is lost, give us justice, give me peace from the storm that rages in me. I cannot lose my focus, no not now, not ever. I am standing on the Rock and I will not be moved. My eyes may temporarily see the storm around me, but I will always refocus and stay fixed on You.
Calm the storm Lord, if only for a moment so I can catch my breath.
Tammy Leonard
Mother of Kassidy Leonard and Grandmother of Kimberlynn Griggs
